From Jenny, a Washington parent

It was very hard to find the right services and support for my daughter’s behavioral health needs. I first noticed delays around her first birthday, but as a first-time parent my concerns were brushed off by most people. Thankfully, her pediatrician took me seriously and recommended an evaluation through Birth to 3. Unfortunately, the appointment was booked six months out, and by the time it happened my daughter had caught up in some areas but was still struggling with speech and anxiety. During the evaluation, my concerns were minimized, and although she tested below average, she didn’t qualify for services.

From there, I tried everything I could — contacting Birth to 3 again, University of Washington, Mary Bridge, and private practices. Waitlists stretched years, and the cost of private evaluations was overwhelming. In the end, I paid out of pocket for multiple evaluations (over $12,000 total) just to get diagnoses of ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, and Depression. Even with those, we still had to fight for support in her public school and eventually moved her to a private school with [Applied Behavior Analysis] support because her needs were not being met.

What made things so difficult was the lack of timely access to evaluations, the high costs of private options, and a system that required children to “fail first” before qualifying for help. What made things easier was having a pediatrician who encouraged me to seek an evaluation and, later, finding private providers who finally listened and helped us put supports in place.

What would have helped us get services faster is shorter wait times for evaluations, more affordable options for families, and a system that listens to parent concerns earlier instead of dismissing them. If we hadn’t pushed, advocated, and paid out of pocket, my daughter’s mental health would have been at serious risk.

This is the reality of what it costs a family to advocate for a child with complex needs. I implore Washington State leaders to recognize the severe systemic failures that put this burden on parents.

I was in a privileged position—a stay-at-home parent with the time and resources to dedicate myself entirely to this task—yet I still constantly felt like I was failing my daughter. The process of identifying and securing appropriate resources became a full-time job. It exacted a tremendous toll on my mental health, my marriage, and the emotional well-being of my child, who undoubtedly felt the stress I was carrying.

My heart constantly breaks for the families who must navigate this broken system with none of my advantages: single parents, families with two working adults, or those whose first language is not English. If I, with all my resources, felt isolated and exhausted, what chance do they have?

What my family truly needed was timely support from knowledgeable professionals who would see my daughter for the amazing person she is, not dismiss her needs. We needed an expert to say, “She is not fine, and here is how we can help.” Instead, the only people who agreed with me came at a significant financial cost to my family.

The most egregious failure occurred when we brought these privately retained, degreed professionals into the public school setting—the system I believed was our right to support. Their expert opinions were aggressively dismissed, and my family was treated with hostility. This alienation was so severe that these professionals were forced to withdraw from the process entirely because they did not wish to be treated poorly.

Our community was a lifeline, but no parent should have to rely on informal networks to survive a process that is supposed to be supportive and legally mandated. Our state must commit to creating a system where:

  • Support is Proactive and Timely, not adversarial.
  • Families are respected and empowered, not dismissed and alienated.
  • Professionals are knowledgeable, accessible, and centered on the child’s true needs.

The current process punishes the parents who fight the hardest and, tragically, ensures that the most vulnerable families are left behind. This must change.